May 20 – May 26, 2024

Monday:                  Grilled Hot Dogs and the Best Barbecue Baked Beans in the Universe

Wednesday:          Leftovers, Meatballs and Salad

Thursday:                Roasted Pork Loin with Har Siu Glaze and Rice Pilaf

Friday:                      Harissa Shrimp Scampi with Red Rice

Saturday:                Pizza with Sausage, Asiago, Cheddar and Tomato Sauce

Sunday:                   Roasted Mushrooms with Braised Lentils and Croutons 

Them’s the Beans

I didn’t know Pythagoras, personally, in spite of my great age, but I know that he was a wonderful mathematician, musician and philosopher and, let’s be honest, a kind of weird dude.  He set up what amounts to a commune at Croton, in southern Italy and, among other of dietary rules, forbade the eating of beans. I mean, thanks for your theorem, Mr. P., but hands off the lentils.

What in the name of all that’s holy does this have to do with what we cooked last week?  Well, please allow me the leeway to just spout off as a way of getting into the flow of writing about food, family and friends.   Sometimes, it’s not easy to know how to start this thing.  And Pythagoras’s dietary rules are lentil-adjacent and I want to share a recipe about barbecue baked beans and, I mean, you can see how all this connects, right? 

As a quick aside, I was just reminding myself, before starting this post, that I am easily distracted (see above) and probably North America’s greatest exaggerator, no, wait, my therapist suggests that I call myself a great exaggerator but not the greatest.  She has no sense of humor or denotation.  But hey, I have to be myself.  So let me tell you about the greatest barbecue baked bean recipe in the universe. 

You’re going to need this because summer will soon be upon us.   You will need side dishes for the steaks and chicken and ribs you will be hovering over, like the guys supervising burnt offerings in the Temple of Solomon.  [I’m not sure where that came from, but, since we’re there, I have been told that the Temple Priests did not offer side dishes with the lambs, calves, and doves they grilled, though legend has it that you could go two streets over to Reuben’s delicatessen and get some good coleslaw and potato salad and a pickle.  No- not that Reuben – the sandwich wasn’t invented until the 18^th century.]

Seriously, this is great recipe.  It takes a fair amount of fine chopping, and an abnormal number of ingredients.  But it makes beans for 12 to 16 servings, so that you have the rest of the week free for focusing on other things.  And you will have a dish that is at once meaty and saucy, and sweet and spicy and piquant and deeply savory and just completely satisfying to homo sapiens, which describes many of those who follow this blog.

And, for a bit of delightful whimsy, you might wish to scroll below the recipe to check out this nonsense poem written by son Andrew, for Gloria, the daughter of his great friends, Atticus and Joan.  Lentils have never been so glorified – take that, Pythagoras. 

BEST BARBECUED BEANS ON THE PLANET

(adapted from “Oklahoma” Joe Davidson, who is, apparently not as hyperbolic as I am)

Note:  Joe Davidson cooks these beans in one of those large foil roasting pans you can get at your supermarket and tosses wood chips on the fire to get a smoky flavor into the beans and, finally, uses pulled brisket instead of bacon.  I cook these in a Dutch oven, use a little liquid smoke and prefer bacon to brisket – it adds a nice textural element.

Timing:  About 90 minutes – I cook these at noon and then reheat for dinner.

Ingredients:                                 

Serves 12 – 16, Joe says.  But these are so addictive that, if you’re really having 16 for dinner, I’d make two batches

1 pound smoked brisket or bacon cut into 1/4-inch slivers (I’d go with bacon and, ½” slivers)

1 can (15 oz.) black beans

1 can (15 oz.) dark red kidney beans – the color matters, but is not vital.  The light red beans taste the same, but your mixture will not take on the great cordovan-shaded hue that makes this dish so pretty, unless you use the dark red.

3 cans (15 0z. each) baked beans or pork and beans.  Note:  Bush makes country-style, sweet and spicy, traditional and sweet and smoky – I’d use three out of that group

1 large sweet onion, seeded and finely chopped

1 red bell pepper, seeded and finely chopped

1 poblano pepper, seeded and finely chopped

4 cloves garlic, minced – we used 1 large clove

3-6 jalapeños, seeded and finely chopped – if you like more heat, leave the seeds in

2 cups sweet red barbecue sauce (we used Sweet Baby Ray’s)

1 ½ cups firmly packed brown sugar

½ cup Dijon mustard

2 teaspoons liquid smoke

Kosher salt and ground, black pepper

Prep:

Heat a large Dutch oven over medium and, while it heats, slice the bacon and separate the slivers, then cook until crisp and golden – this can take up to 15 minutes – raise the temperature if you need to.  While these cook, you can start the chopping (below), but you’ll need to break up the bacon and stir it every few minutes to get all the pieces to crisp.

Chop the peppers, onion and garlic.

Open the cans of beans – drain the black and kidney beans, but not the baked beans.

When the bacon is crisp and golden, remove it to a plate with a slotted spoon.

Pour the bacon fat into an empty jar – just the clear fat on top, leave the fat with the dark specks of bacon in the pan.  I keep this fat for cooking potatoes and onions.  You’re going to drizzle 2 tablespoons of this fat over the bean mixture – you can discard the rest in an empty plastic food container, if you don’t intend to use it.

Empty the beans into a very large bowl – you might have to use a large serving bowl – a regular large mixing bowl isn’t large enough to allow you to mix the ingredients.  Add the onion, peppers, garlic, brown sugar, mustard, barbecue sauce and liquid smoke and three pinches of salt and a pinch of black pepper.  Drizzle the 2 tablespoons of bacon fat over the mixture and, taking your time, thoroughly mix the ingredients.  Taste and add more salt and pepper as needed.

Pour the mixture back into the Dutch oven, bring to a simmer and cook, uncovered, for 1 hour.  Add liquid, as needed – our beans were so wet that I added no liquid and actually cooked them again, just before dinner, to reduce them a bit more.

Serve hot.

And here is Andrew’s lovely poem – watch out Lewis Carroll

Beanfeast – A. J. Stewart

Gloria Lee

planned a bean-feast with glee

at the tippiest top

of the Tupelo tree.

She hoisted up high

a sweet red bean pie,

bean pot and bean sauce

and bean butter on rye.

My what a sight!

every scrumptious bean bite,

the one question left

was whom to invite?

“Who likes bean stew,

and barleyed bean brew?

oh, that beaming bean crew

Atticus, Joan and Lu!”

She put out the call,

“A bean feast for all!”,

and the bean crew climbed high

to the bean-feast ball!

Joan brought up a tote

a fine bean compote,

and a playful Bordeaux

with an earthy bean note.

Little Lu shared

on bean-green stoneware,

a delicacy from the east,

bean cheese with pear!

Atticus now,

with a great big bean bow

presented a dish

he called fun-mung-bean-chow!

“Oh how I’m blessed

at this splendid bean fest!”

Gloria said in her toast

to each smiling bean guest.

Just then a sound

spun her around.  

With beanmost surprise

she laughed for she found

in the sky-high tree door

a bean troubadour! 

Who asked her politely,

“Is there room for one more?”

Out Gloria flew

to make welcome anew: 

“Come in and sit down

on the bean-bag Andrew!”

“What a time to arrive! 

You brought bean-tatoes with chive?

 Let’s best a bean-feast for four

with a bean-feast for five!”